Since I last wrote about ZoomErgos back in December (when the latest lockdown was a mere twinkle in the PM’s eye), it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that ZoomErgos has taken the rowing world by storm. Its numbers have multiplied as quickly as Covid in an unventilated room, and it’s even featured in the Times in an excellent piece by Matt Dickinson.

More and more members of the rowing royal family have come on board to lead sessions, and they’ve been joined by less well known, but no less inspiring, club members and coaches. It’s also spread overseas, with hosts as far away as Michigan and Washington State in the US, and Perth in Australia. Equally excitingly, the Women’s Head of the River (WEHORR) is being held on the platform this coming Saturday, with Olympians commentating and coxing.

Which is why I’m almost embarrassed to tell you that the latest host on ZoomErgos is, er, me. About as far away from an elite rower as it’s possible to get.

But this is kind of the point of ZoomErgos. Its mystery founder has made it known on many occasions that it’s a democratic platform. You don’t need to be an elite rower to join in. Neither, he says, do you need to be an elite rower to lead a session. All you need is an erg (or SkiErg, in Pete Reed’s case), a Zoom account, an internet connection and a willingness to talk people through the session).

Of course it helps (a lot, obviously) if your technique isn’t actually terrible. It also helps if you can keep time so you’re easy to follow (ZoomErgos host Darryl Preston is particularly – uncannily – good at this, hence his new moniker, the Human Metronome). You need to be willing and able to chat as you row and come up with some useful pointers or instructions (otherwise frankly the participants might as well be watching Netflix or listening to a banging playlist). You probably don’t want to be too much of a shrinking violet, either.

But other than that, the entry threshold seems to be fairly low, which is how I have come to be added to the otherwise stellar list of luminaries on offer. As I have little in the way of expertise to offer (my technique leaves a fair bit to be desired, though I’m not too bad at maintaining a rhythm), my principal contribution will be chatter (and possibly a selection of the rather unorthodox Carswell Coxing Calls), so I’ve gone for a nice, steady, UT2 session so I have enough breath to blether as I row.

My slot is on Wednesday at 7.30 am. I’ll be closely followed by a vigorous sprints session led by Mark Hunter, so you can consider me the warm-up act for him (you know, the band that nobody actually paid to see, but which fills the time until the star comes on). If you’re super keen you could realistically do both sessions (I might sign up for Mark’s session myself, depending on how my diary’s looking).

I hope I’ll see some of you there. You can sign up here. It’s free and I’ll try my best to make it fun. Wish me luck!